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(Rick): We’re trying to start a dialogue about marriage and about love, and that’s a challenge for some of us. It’s not easy to do. Some of you may not agree at all with what we have said and will say. And that’s okay. What we want to encourage you to do is to begin to engage in that dialogue with one another because our lives will be enriched, our marriages will be deepened, our love will stand the strain and we will grow.

When we planned this dialogue sermon, I announced that your four full-time clergy would be speaking, but because we’re talking about love for your spouse and because Steve’s grief over Nancy’s death is so fresh, he elected to step aside, feeling it was just too difficult to share deeply. I know you’ll understand and I hope you’ll be in prayer for him and his family and for all those who today grieve the loss of a love. So, I’ll be sharing this dialogue with Rebecca and Deborah. I want you to know that we’re excited about this time.

Let us pray. Come, Holy Spirit, Heavenly Dove; descend on us, reveal your love. Word of God and inward light, wake our spirits; clear our sight. Surround us now with all your glory; speak through me that sacred story. Take our lips and make them bold. Take our hearts and minds and make them whole. Stir in us that sacred flame; then send us forth to spread your name. Amen.

Deborah, will you share our scripture?

Ephesians 5: 21-25; 33 NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

(Rick): I want to remind you just a little bit of the four main ideas that we talked about last week. The first one is probably the most obvious one – that men and women are different. Sometimes maddeningly different...different not just anatomically, but in terms of how our brains are wired, how we relate, how we see the world, the way we think about things...and sometimes that creates significant challenges for us.

The second thing was that those differences – coupled with our human condition – makes marriage sometimes very challenging. You should have been in some of our three discussions this week because we tend to like to do things our way...we want the world to revolve around us...our feelings get hurt...our anger flares. There are things about every one of us that if those things go unchecked, if we don’t allow God to work with us at the level of the human condition – it just exacerbates the differences.

Then, of course, the third thing, the recognition that God created the differences between men and women and as we come to understand and accept that as a good and valuable thing, and as we open our hearts to the presence of Christ to work on us, it enhances our ability to move beyond the differences and to understand the good gift that God is giving us.

And finally, the biggest thing that we talked about last week is this: that marriage is a sacred covenant. Marriage is not something we do simply because we find someone who is attractive to us or because we feel euphoric about another person. Rather, marriage is a sacred calling from God. In marriage, you and I are called by God to minister to, serve and give, and meet the needs of another specific person on God’s behalf. In Christian marriage, we each become the personification of Christ’s love to another and we meet the needs of another human being, showing Christ’s love, blessing that person, seeking to build them up and encourage them, seeking to do all of those things that Christ has done for us on behalf of one other person, even when it’s difficult. When we learn to relate in that way, marriage takes on a whole new depth, meaning, and wonder.

Deborah and Rebecca, we have a scripture today, though, that challenges, and I know it particularly challenges you women.

(Deborah): Yes, and the statement, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” has been a source of misunderstanding. Here are ways it has been misinterpreted:

• Domination – It has been incorrectly interpreted to give husbands carte blanche control over their wives. This has led to abusive relationships and a cruel oppressive existence of women couched in biblical authority. This is a wrong interpretation that fails to take into account the husband’s role in loving the wife as Christ loved the church. Christ didn’t seek to dominate and control the church. This is not a text about domination or setting up the man to control the woman.
• Deletion – Another misinterpretation might better be called a deletion. There are people who seriously want to delete this from the Bible. If you don’t agree with it, get rid of it. In other words, edit the Scripture to fit what we are thinking. If not completely striking certain passages from the text, some would like to neutralize it to the point of making it meaningless while others would like to skip over it completely because the passages have been misused.
• Mutual Submission – Expressed through love and respect. Notice that Paul writes in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This clearly provides a conceptual framework for understanding for what Paul is about to write. There is a mutual submission that God wants us to have in our married lives. Husbands and wives are to be mutually submissive to one another.

The word “submit” comes from the Greek word hupotasso. “Hupo” means under, and “tasso” means “to determine or appoint.” The word was used in at least two unique ways in the New Testament. One way derived from a military sense which means that a soldier was under the command or the appointment of his superior. But there was another sense in which the word was used in the New Testament. This meaning derives from a voluntary submission based on loyalty to the other person. For example, Jesus’ disciples submitted to him voluntarily as a means to express their devotion to him. This is the sense in which Paul uses the word. He could have used the word “obey” like he did in his admonition to children to “obey their parents.” But, Paul uses the word hupotasso to indicate the idea of voluntary submission based on love, respect, and loyalty to the other person.

The man and woman are to love one another according to the needs of the other. They need respect. They need to be admired.

So Paul tells the husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. So husbands are to love their wives in this way, sacrificially and totally, so the wives will feel cherished and treasured.

Marriage is meant to be a gift from God. And part of our calling is to sacrificial love as Christ did for the church...a selfless love...one that you will be willing to do any and all for one another. This is what we call agape love. And as you submit, you submit according to your gifts.

One of us may be gifted in finances; the other could be gifted in organizing and planning. That’s what we call being submissive, because we are a team. We augment the efforts of one another so we can be a strong, unified, Christian team going forth.

(Rebecca): I think it is important to remember that Paul is trying to build a team in building the church, and as we look at the hard sayings of Paul, it is important to remember who he was writing to...what was the cultural context of Paul’s instructions? These were at least as hard to hear and put into practice for the Jewish and Greek culture of Paul’s day as they are for us.

Under Jewish law, a woman was considered property, with no rights at all. And the rabbis had differing views on the rules about divorce in Deuteronomy. Some held that adultery was the only reason for divorce. Deuteronomy 24:1 says, “Suppose a man enters into a marriage with a woman, but she doesn’t please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house....” Rabbi Hillel, in interpreting this passage, said, “A man might divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner by putting too much salt in his food, if she walked in public with her head uncovered, if she talked with men in the streets, if she spoke disrespectfully of her husband’s parents in her husband’s hearing, if she was a brawling woman, or if she was troublesome or quarrelsome.” There is no similar rule for women. Really, the only protection a woman had against her husband divorcing her was that he had to return her dowry.

In the Greek culture, things were not much better. A man had a wife so that he had legitimate children, and wives had their own apartments that they were to keep to. The goal was that the wife might “see as little as possible, hear as little as possible, and ask as little as possible.” (quote of Xenophone) The wife was expected to run her husband’s home and care for his legitimate children, but the husband found his pleasure and companionship elsewhere.

So, the instruction by Paul to care and love one another with agape love was radical, even to the communities that he was writing to.

(Rick): For me, one of the ways that that is lived out in Jane’s and my marriage is that Jane is incredibly bright in the area of our financial life. I would have bankrupted us numerous times...I’m dangerous with a checkbook and a calculator, but she is extraordinarily gifted in that way. One of the things that really helped me in growing up and beginning to understand this was a translation of this word. A scholar by the name of Markus Barth said that the word “submit yourselves” really means “subordinate yourself.”

And so in the area of finances, I subordinate myself gladly to Jane because she is extraordinarily able. But the idea of subordinating yourself really isn’t very different than what Paul said in other places when he talks about “consider another more important than yourself.” In marriage, we are seeking to love another person in a way that they have that sense of just how important they are to us. But it is difficult in our lives to consider another person more important because we grow up with all kinds of ideas about love and marriage.

I came across some things this week that children say about love and courtship and marriage. I thought you would enjoy some of these. In one of these, the children were asked, “What do people do on a date?” And Martin, age 10, said this: “On the first date they tell each other a lot of lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go on a second date!”

They were asked, “Is it better to be single or to be married?” And Anita, age 9, said, “It is better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody who can clean up after them.”

And Will, age 7, said, “It just gives me a headache to think about all that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble!”

And the children were asked, “How do people in love typically behave?” Wendy, who was 8 years old, said, “When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and don’t get up for at least an hour.” Wendy has some high expectations!

And when asked what makes a marriage work, Alex, age 10, said, “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff that you like, like sports. She should really like sports, and she can then just keep the chips and dips coming!”

See, we go off with all of these ideas about what married life is like and then we get married and we discover that there are challenges.

I thought about one of the most important lessons that I learned growing up with Jane. She taught me that women have what Dr. Willard Harley and Dr. Barbara DeAngelis call a “love bank.” A love bank! They use that idea of the love bank as a metaphor to describe a woman’s heart. They say that a woman’s heart is like a bank account, a love bank where we make deposits and we also make withdrawals. The goal is to maintain a healthy balance...at least a minimum balance...because when it goes below a minimum balance, significant penalties get charged. And you know about that, men!

I remember when Jane and I were dating. We had our first date when we were students at Lambuth College and I had seen her across a crowded room. You know that song that we sing about a crowded room! I saw her across the crowded room and I began to woo and try to talk to her and invite her out. We came to Memphis for our first date! It just so happened we came for a concert that evening, but that afternoon (this was just after John Kennedy had been assassinated and Lyndon Johnson was president), Lyndon Johnson was speaking here in Memphis. So we went to hear Lyndon Johnson speak down on Front Street and then we went out to a nice dinner. Then we went to hear Johnny Rivers in concert down at the old Ellis auditorium. After that, I had a pass to a nightclub where Johnny Rivers was going to be doing private concerts. In those days, you couldn’t get much bigger than that! Elvis would have been about the only thing that would have been bigger than that evening!

So we started our relationship and I began to call her on the phone and we would talk for hours! I remember one day, jokingly, I said, “I’d like to get married” and I presented her with an 8-carat diamond...it was eight carrots attached to this huge ring! She didn’t think that was very funny! But I kept telling her how wonderful she was, how beautiful she was, and finally I gave her the real ring and it was like cha-chang, cha-chang, cha-chang. There was all of this balance being added to the account. We went on our honeymoon...cha-chang, cha-chang. We had a great time on our honeymoon. Lots of credits were added to the account. Then we came back home. For awhile it was all so special, but then life started to settle into a comfortable routine. There were little arguments...about the toothpaste...or who would take out the garbage. I started withdrawing more than I was putting into the account. And unfortunately, I was no longer making hefty deposits into the account. In fact, sometimes days or even weeks would go by between deposits. Then one day the overdraft notice comes. That huge balance has been whittled away. And do you know what happens when a woman’s love bank operates in overdraft mode for a long period of time? It will eventually go bankrupt and the account will be closed. She will have nothing left to give.

Deborah and Rebecca, from a woman’s perspective, what do you think of the idea of a love bank? Is this an exaggeration?

(Rebecca): There’s a love bank! I think the love bank is a perfect metaphor for our emotional memory. The little kindnesses add up to a big balance in our love banks and the times that we come and find that the dishes have been put into the dishwasher is a small cha-chang into the love bank. And then the little demands in life quickly deplete the balance in our love banks, like when you tell us that we are the dish fairy! Don’t you think, Deborah?

(Deborah): I agree. We definitely have love banks and a love bank is of course a metaphor for a woman’s heart and we have seen and heard in movies how a woman’s heart is deep and it is because we have the memory of an elephant. The love bank is based on what we recall or remember as to what first captured our attention about our spouse.

In thinking about my love bank, I was caused to reflect on the first time that I met my husband. Do you recall how you felt when you first saw your spouse? Do you recall that first kiss, when you held hands, when you stayed up all night talking to each other, wanting to know everything you could about that person, not wanting the night to end? And every moment you had you spent that time together – doing things together or just being together. And what about those times when you just washed the dishes or took the children for a couple of hours so your spouse could rest or have some “me” time?

During that time, you were making deposits in the love bank. Because women tend to remember all of that. We bank it up...we store it in our hearts until it just overflows. But then, when we talk about love banks, it becomes like a bank. It is full and we have a lot in savings and then when we get married and get settled in, our husbands tend to withdraw. But they are not balancing it out. They take and take and take, and just like any bank, if you keep withdrawing and you put nothing in, you soon get an overdraft statement. You get an overdraft statement...a warning...when your bank account is about to be overdrawn! These are given in the form of silent treatment, irritability, intimacy not being a priority, and arguments followed with tears or shouting.

I remember that several decades ago, I had a special warning signal for my husband when he was almost in the overdraft area. And I wouldn’t nag or shout. I just had something very creative. It was a little song that I used to sing throughout the house. I think it was by Aretha Franklin. It would go like this: “You’re a no good heartbreaker; you’re a liar and you’re a cheat. And I don’t know why I let you do these things to me. My friends keep tellin’ me that you ain’t no good, but they don’t know, that I’d leave you if I could!” And I would walk all through the house, wherever he was, and I’d sing and I’d dip and do everything like Aretha, and then my husband would peer out and look and me and say very profoundly, “Deb, can you take that noise to the other room?” He missed his overdraft...his warning...and they are there, but I don’t think they really see them!

(Rebecca): I think they do miss their overdraft warnings! When we were talking about overdraft warnings this week, I shared quite easily that mine was that if I do all of the laundry except yours, we’ve got a problem! And as we were talking at home about this sermon series, I said that to Chris and he said, “You do that?” I’ve done it twice in our married life. But clearly the warning wasn’t coming through!

(Rick): Rebecca and Deborah, do you think that men have a love bank?

(Rebecca): Yes they do! I think they do!

(Deborah): I agree. But I was thinking about this, and thinking about the women and their love bank and why, for me, I don’t associate men a lot with the love bank and I think that’s because we are socialized to think that a man’s heart is a little different from our hearts. Because a man is brought up to be tough...to appear that nothing really bothers him...and we look very strangely at a man who may cry or weep. I think if a man were to come in here and say, “My wife and I are not getting along,” and he just fell over in tears, we’d all kind of look strangely at them. So, because of that, I think the love bank is a little different. They keep it guarded and maybe not quite as filled with emotions like women tend to do. We base ours on a lot of emotions.

(Rick): What complicates all of this for us guys is that there are times when we try to make deposits, certain that we are doing something just for her, only to find that her love bank operates on an entirely different kid of currency.

As I was thinking about this whole thing of the love bank, I remember some times when I tried to make some deposits in Jane’s love bank and even then, I didn’t get it right. I remember one Valentine’s Day I bought Jane this wonderful, beautiful toaster. And I was so proud of that toaster because I wanted toast! It’s not unlike the other time when I bought Jane something from Victoria Secret. You know those skimpy little things that you go to the lingerie store and buy? She opened up the box and pulled it out and said, “I hope you’re going to wear this, ‘cause I’m sure not!”

It just seems to me that it is critical that we understand what really constitutes a deposit in another’s love bank and give that kind of gift or use what some folks call a person’s “love language”...and then regularly put more of that into the account than you’re taking out.

Let’s talk about love languages.

(Rebecca): Well, first, let’s talk about what they are. There are five love languages and everybody sort of has a primary love language that they hear love through. It is important that you know your spouse’s primary love language because all the secondary are wonderful, but if you are not getting your primary met, you are not hearing the secondary nearly so well.

So, gifts are one. Gifts are important...big and small. Thoughtful gifts.

Words of affirmation are another: “Good job!” “Thank you!” Words that say, “I noticed.”

Quality time. It doesn’t have to be doing something necessarily interactive even. But just spending time together.

Acts of service. Being a dish fairy!

And physical touch. A pat on the back, a hug, holding hands or something more.

(Deborah): I agree. In thinking about the languages of love, it made me stop to think about what my spouse’s primary language of love is. I’d have to say that for my spouse, it would be words of affirmation. This was an eye-opener for me because I just thought it was birth order and he was just totally needy because he was the baby. Then, I realized that this was clearly a language of love...that he enjoys verbal compliments, he enjoys hearing affirmation as to how he is doing things well, and how proud I am of him, and for me to lift him up and encourage him and just talk about him positively around everybody else. If he does something phenomenal in the house, you will hear about it! So you can go back and tell him how great he was!

I find that everything is going well in the marriage when I talk about those things he has done and give him praise. And then I will also say that a secondary love language of his is physical love. That ranks very high in my husband’s love language. And we talk about that because with him, my secondary is affection. I like the touch, but it’s not always with the end in mind that my husband is always hoping for! And I don’t think I have to go further with that! So, we have that going on, but we both like the physical aspects.

And for me, while my husband is very dominant in the words of affirmation, I like the acts of service. I like the small things. It doesn’t have to be the big things, but the little things. They send a strong signal to me that I am loved. Some of my fondest memories are when my husband would be at home, and maybe I was traveling and he had to comb our girls’ hair. They had long hair, thick hair, and the only thing that I could teach my husband how to do was to put them in poufs. With African American hair, it can be really full and thick, I just say brush it down, put some rubber bands on it and barrettes and just let ‘em go! He mastered that and we had several pictures with daddy’s poufs. And they wore them very proudly. And I was happy for that!

(Rebecca): I think a lot of times we can get crossed signals with our love languages. Chris’ love language is quality time and mine is acts of service. So, when we have some time, he wants to sit down and watch the game together and wants me to enjoy the game as much as he does, and I want us to get something accomplished: let’s go out and cut the bushes that need to be trimmed or let’s do the dishes or let’s have the whole house be completely clean. So, we can end up not speaking each other’s love languages, trying to get our own needs met, or thinking we are acting loving, like “I’m going to go out and help you do the bushes,” but really what he wants is to come inside and sit down and watch the game together.

(Rick): As I think about myself and most men, there has been a lot of research done about what things sort of fill up a man’s love bank, if we want to use those terms. John Gray, of “Mars and Venus” fame and Michael Gurian, a neurobiologist and social philosopher who wrote the book, What Could He Be Thinking: How a Man’s Mind Really Works, suggests some things that in general we might say about men and what fills us up.

One of those things that men typically say women do that makes them feel closest to them – and Deborah said it very well – is that we are shown admiration.

Inside, the truth is, ladies, that we want to be your knight in shining armor. We’d like for you to be proud of us, to sense that we are competent and capable in all the things that we do. We do not want you to be overly needy and helpless. We don’t know how to handle that too well. But we would like for you to need us and know that we make a difference in your life. Gray writes, “Deep inside every man there is a hero or knight in shining armor. More than anything, he wants to succeed in serving and protecting the woman he loves.”

You know I love film, and in thinking about this, I recalled Steven Spielberg’s World War II film, “Saving Private Ryan.” A lot of you have probably seen that movie. James Ryan’s three brothers have been killed in battle and the war department at that time said that there couldn’t be four brothers dead in one family and so they send out this platoon headed by Captain Miller, to save Private Ryan. They manage to save him, but in the process, most of that platoon ends up being killed, and Captain Miller himself is mortally wounded. His last words to Ryan before he dies is: “Earn this. Earn this.” A half century later, you see James Ryan at the grave of Captain Miller, and he is there with his wife; and with tears in his eyes, he turns to his wife and says to her: “Have I done it? Have I led a good life? Have I been a good man?” Not fully comprehending the power of what it is that he is saying to her, she puts her hand on him and says, “Yes, you have.”

For many men, our deepest fear is that we are not good enough. That fear leads so many of us to search for reassurance of worth and value.

There’s a flip side to that, too. That’s one of the reasons that we don’t read instructions! That’s one of the reasons that we hate to ask directions! This is also one of the reasons we offer solutions when you tell us your problems, instead of doing what you want...which is to sympathize. We just naturally assume you’re telling us your problems because you’re looking for expert advice. And we’re ready to be a “Mr. Fix-it” because that’s one of the ways that we show our love.

When you compliment us, it lets us know that you value us. When you smile and thank us for doing the little things...even everyday things like taking out the garbage and putting the toilet seat down...and when you encourage us, we’re able to tap into the better part of ourselves.

The second thing that men really like is attention. That’s part of what Rebecca was talking about with Chris. Married men reported feeling closest to their wives when they spent quality time doing things together. While women tend to want quality time to share feelings, men tend to like activities where they do things together. Men often want what one psychologist calls “recreational companionship.” We aren’t necessarily looking for a conversation partner or a time to share our feelings. We just want to do stuff together. Golf, exercise, attending ballgames or movies, hiking, or going on a trip.

Women, does this mean that you might have to give up some individual activities? Probably! Does it mean that we do some things we don’t especially enjoy? Certainly! Is it worth it? Absolutely!

And the final thing...the final “A” word is this: action. Men are always ready for action. I don’t think I have to unpack that or explain that euphemism…after all children are present. Men feel close to their wives through touch, through this kind of intimate encounter. One of you, in the survey that you sent in to me, said this: “When my wife initiates this, when she loves me in this way, I feel so close to her. I feel her sharing herself with me.”

So, there are the three things that men generally need to feel loved. The three A’s for men are Admiration, Attention, and Action.

Rebecca, what are the three A’s for women?

(Rebecca): Where men are interested in action, women generally are more interested in affection. Those times that we reach over and hold your hand in the car, we are just saying, “We’re glad to be together,” not “We can’t wait to get home!”

While men really appreciate our attention, women appreciate being thought of...and attentiveness. That you have thought of us even when you were away...with your gifts, being thoughtful with the things that you say, and recognizing what we have done. And that moves into appreciation. While men really like to be admired, women like to be appreciated for what they’ve done.

(Deborah): I agree with you, Rebecca. Affection is a key piece and we like the touching, the holding, with no strings attached.

We also like the attentiveness. What I think we mean by attentiveness is we don’t like for our spouse to sit there reading the paper or looking at his palm pilot or iPhone and saying, “Go ahead...I’m listening...” while they’re playing with that! We want their undivided attention.

(Rick): Wait a minute! Some of us learn to multi-task!

(Rebecca): We don’t want a multi-tasker!

(Deborah): If there’s multi-tasking, we want your eyes, your mind, and your heart, and everything keyed in on us. That’s important because sometimes we do cross signals.

One example I’d like to share is one day I just went in and talked to my husband, trying to get his attention, and he was multi-tasking. I said, “You know, I had a really hard day at work today.” His response was, “Why don’t you quit?” And I said, “I don’t want to quit! I was just simply telling you that I had a hard day!” “Well, why did you ask for my opinion?” “I didn’t ask for your opinion!” And then it ended with my saying, “Just forget I said anything!” And that caused some tension because I didn’t have my husband’s attention.

One other example that I would like to lift up when we talk about husbands being attentive and they say, “Oh, I’m paying attention, I’m paying attention.” We were in this nice romantic place and I had this nice little outfit on...white, frilly, and lacey...and my husband had just told me, “Yes, I’m paying attention” and I came around and touched him on his shoulder. I don’t know where his mind was but he looked at me and yelled out. That didn’t do much to my self esteem! So, we want that attention and we want to know that we are important. And that attention is with your eyes...it’s active listening with the body language. It says to us, “We care about you. I care about you.”

(Rick): Well, it’s time we begin to wrap this up. Any concluding comments?

(Rebecca): I just think about the passage in Galatians and the passage in Colossians comes to mind, as well. In both places, Paul is writing to the church and trying to teach them how to be one in Christ and then he applies it to specific relationships, like marriage. In Colossians 3:18-19, he says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.” But the instructions for oneness leading up to that passage cannot be left out when you read this passage: “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another, and if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

(Rick): Husbands and wives are to love one another that way. They are to love sacrificially and totally, so each will feel cherished and treasured.

Christ was laying down his life for the church. Jesus’ death on the cross was the ultimate demonstration of God’s love for the church. Christ took upon himself our burdens, our sins. He gave everything he had to serve us, love us, and save us.

Our scripture says: subordinate yourselves! Get yourself out of the way! Give to another the “agape” love that Deborah spoke about!

I think about something somebody said to me once. I’m paraphrasing it now, for this occasion: “If I think you’re more important than I am, and you think I’m more important than you are, then nobody acts important but we both feel very important.”

Husbands and wives, our calling in marriage is to bless the other, to encourage, to minister to, and to love sacrificially.

How can we demonstrate love in practical ways?

This week we want you to have an opportunity to put into practice some of the things that we have been talking about. In your bulletin today, there is an insert, “Learning the Language of Love,” developed at the Church of the Resurrection. It’s a five-day plan for husbands and wives. Or if you have a significant other in your life, some of these things might be appropriate for you to consider. You can do this together...you can do it separately... but it’s an opportunity to practice some of the things that we have been sharing both last week and this week. I hope it will be challenging and exciting for you and I hope you will take it with you and have a wonderful time sharing love in creative ways.

Let us pray. Lord, send us your Spirit. Guide us in understanding what love is meant to be and surround us, O God, with a sense of what you would have us to become. For we pray in the name of Christ. Amen.

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Endnotes: This sermon is based, in part, upon material from the following sources:

1. Williams Barclay, Daily Study Bible commentary series
2. Markus Barth, Ephesians 4-5, The Anchor Bible
3. Manfred T. Brauch, The Hard Sayings of Paul (1989). Downers Grove, Illinois: Inter Varsity Press.
4. Gary D. Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (1955). Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
5. James D. G. Dunn & John W. Rogerson (eds.), Commentary on the Bible (2003). Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.
6. Adam Hamilton, “What Women Wish Men Knew About Women” and “What Men Wish Women Knew About Men”
7. The New Interpreter’s Bible – A Commentary in Twelve Volumes (2000). Nashville, TN: Abington Press.